Dress Up, Dine In

Last month we celebrated our first Arizona-versary. One year ago we hugged in the Ranch driveway for the last time and Seth sent us off on a two day adventure that would end at our new home. He and the puffs would follow after the movers had packed everything else up.  I was heartbroken to be leaving the first state we had made ours and terrified that the kids would turn the road trip into a coup. Thankfully the first day was smooth with the help of gas station treats, behavior clips, and letting them "play" loudly and ridiculously in the backseat.  We spent the night just outside of Vegas. There was an unbelievable park to stretch our legs, DQ grilled cheeses, and PJ Masks on the Disney Channel. Our second day was dotted with weird and wonderful roadside finds. We made wishing well wishes to Santa Claus in the (for sale!) town named after him. What once was a roadside attraction from 1937-1995, now there were only crumbling buildings in faded colors. It was every...

The in-between is the worst.  Living in a home that's losing us. Losing the things that make it ours: the community cats, the white and green kitchen walls, the traces of our family tucked into drawers in the name of de-cluttering.  If I don't start distancing myself now I will bleed out onto the wood floor. The one the two of us pulled countless nails from at night after we'd gotten off work. The one that's marked by puffs clattering down hallways. What I walked over (and over and over) to get the kids to sleep when they were small. I'm hemorrhaging memories.  Eventually this will be an adventure. That Arizona house that's getting a new roof will be our new home (complete with a basement to cry in, of all things!) and I'll put on a brave face for the kids. Eventually I may even love it. But right now there's just this limbo. It's crushing me. :: listening to "june on the west coast" by bright eyes::

Utah~ We were babies when we met you. Newly married, freezing in 50 degrees, adventurous babies.  Now we're parents, well acclimated, sad to be possibly saying goodbye grown people.  There's no way to measure my adoration for your hikes or what we discovered along them. I'll never be able to relate the perfection that is picnic-ing and playing in any one of your parks. Small town parades and big fireworks will never be done better. I love the people who made us family and friends here. And Fall, well, Fall is just bliss. So I thank you for bringing me these people and places so I would stop crying in bungalow basements out of homesickness. You showed me how beautiful it could be to begin again. I'm channeling the 10th Doctor over here with an "I don't want to go!" I can't imagine Arizona ever being for me what you have been. But maybe when I'm crying in some non-basement Arizona will speak to me as you did and I will let it bec...

Last November, in the middle of the dinosaur play area at the mall, Seth and I decided to foster our third dog. Well, it was my idea as always but Seth's a good sport.  Maximus was a thirteen year old Lhasa mix whose owner had passed away and surviving family couldn't keep him. He was an old man and the Uintah Animal Shelter knew he'd do better if he was out. We saw him in a Facebook post. We met him in the parking lot of a vet clinic at a transport rendezvous.  It's so hard to guess what adjustment will be like for dogs who are getting to know your family, or us with them, for that matter. Most of our getting-to-know-you period was peppered with vet visits to remedy allergies and lots of food and med trials.  The rescue group we foster with, Utah Animal Advocacy Foundation , is phenomenal at making sure their fosters don't stress the vet responsibilities so we can focus on making our animals feel at home.  Since Max had been someone's before he seemed to f...

I've tried to summarize last November's trip to the home-state but all I get are false starts and interrupted sentences. I can't seem to translate the vibes that bounced around castles, beaches, Spanish moss, outstretched arms, family we saw and narrowly missed seeing. I'll never be able to say what these pictures do or describe all the moments that went on out of focus. So here (some of) it is:   ::listening to "i forget where we were" by ben howard::

When Eileen turned one I remember it being bittersweet. It hurt my heart in a fresh place that she wasn't a baby anymore. We celebrated her in St. Augustine where our family officially began when Seth & I got married. It was perfection but I was sad. It was as if when that day ended, a part of us did too.  At the time, all the fun (and, let's be honest, some not so fun) d evelopments were still a mystery. I didn't know turning one meant she was on her way to singing songs, "reading" herself stories at night, or having real conversations.  Those things and so much more were on the other side of birthdays and so when it was time for Man Friend to enjoy his first birthday last week, I was a lot less sad.  We celebrated him at Wheeler Farm for Pumpkin Days (where we had been the day before he was born). We  basked in his snorting, toothless gummy grins, chubby hands, and wild curls.  Even though it was sad to blow the candles out on his baby stage, I cou...

Leave it to me to write my first post of the new year six months into it. It's impossible to recount all the adventures we've had or the wonderfully mundane events that have passed. So, instead I'll just say (because I'm feeling sappy)... 2014 has been about arrivals and departures.  The Ranch has been alive with the dearest kind of visitors from the home state. They have Sundanced, farmed, egg hunted, and filled the space between these walls with laughter. They've come to life, hopped right out of their pictures and become real to our kids. It's been amazing.  And then there was February. We said goodbye (sometimes in spirit, sometimes in person, always in heart) to Mama Zoy, Seth's Grandma, and our raspberry neighbor Charlotte. It is an isolating experience to lose someone and be so physically distant. We tend both sides of the raspberry patch and visit Charlotte's grave because we can. But when we do it's like we're doing it for our gr...

It's taken us five years but Utah is starting to feel like home more often than not. (Florida, you're still my first love.) We're also on the verge of fall, which is absolutely gorgeous here. Even so, one thing Utah doesn't have is our extended family. That's why I'm incredibly grateful that planes have been boarded both ways since we made our big move. Family is extra wine bottles in the fridge. It's picking up where you left off. Family is a full house. It's letting the candle burn down to the table because there are still things to talk about. Family is watching the youngest in ours discover what wonderful people she is related to. It's crying in the driveway when they leave. Family is quite simply this: ::listening to "come thou fount of every blessing" by sufjan stevens::

This is the first year I haven't had a back-to-school in somewhere around 24 years. I have been lucky enough to enjoy school supply shopping, the joy of fresh crayons, and agonize over first day outfits for far longer than I should have. True, the first day has taken on many forms...waiting for buses with labeled  backpacks, carpooling with friends, rounds of sorority recruitment, and remembering class lists and which fantastic small children I've already met at BTS night... Each of them were exhilarating in their own way. This year I've voluntarily given up that back-to-school experience and while it doesn't have to be permanent, it doesn't make it any less bittersweet. I'm so very grateful that I can try this stay-at-home-mama thing that I've been missing out on. It's been phenomenal to see all the little things Eileen does in a day. I feel like I've gotten to know her all over again. Y et that doesn't mean that every time someone tel...

When I was Eileen's age I was already well obsessed with "My Little Ponies." At least that's what my baby book said. Despite Seth and I's best efforts to show Bean the wonder of Don Bluth classics, she just hasn't been a "watching things" kind of girl.  That is until a couple of weeks ago when Seth introduced her to Sofia the First while I was sneaking in a mid-afternoon pass-out session. She sat through the whole made-for-Disney-Channel movie and has since watched all 15 Disney Junior episodes.  We love it because we get to sneak in the ever illusive cuddle. She'll proclaim "I watch" before being so immersed in Sofia that she forgets she minds you snuggling with her. In fact, she only moves to wave when Sofia does in the opening song (Eileen's got a natural princess wave) or to dance. Otherwise she's yours. Sofia (or "Sopia"/"Pia" as Bean calls her) is everywhere in our house but I can't help ...

It's no secret that when we were house hunting, we preferred to live in Salt Lake City. We were young(er) and looking for a home that had character and was close to a park. Salt Lake was more "us" and it was kind of like admitting defeat when we ended up buying out in Murray. Sure, we heard how cute/central/desirable it was to people who liked that semi-suburban type of living. It was the responsible choice but not the one we wanted.  We've been in the Ranch for three years and it's still very much a "love/hate" relationship. Maybe that's the curse of eternal renovations and the general home-owning process. No matter how I may feel about our home (or where it's located) there is one day that I absolutely adore living here each year....the 4th of July. It's utterly wonderful to roll out of the Ranch and down the street to Murray Park for their morning parade. Bean especially enjoyed waving at everyone and clapping. She even met some dino...

Tezzie overseeing bathroom renovations in August Tezzie, Loss is the drive down State St. to accept that we are now a two dog family. It's not having a puff to wake up from sleep so we can get to work. It's a silent house because no one is squeaking toys. It's a cup of food, instead of a cup and a half, at breakfast and dinner. Loss is an absence of groundhog sits, bugga rolls, and snoring. It is having to wake up each day to missing you. But I have to believe that the Rainbow Bridge has a magnificent view of our home in case you feel like telling Conor and Sake to shut up when they're being too wild. I'm sure you can sleep as long as you want. Or maybe you got your energy back...the kind we would see in short bursts down here. There's probably a box full of squeaky toys that you can hide in for days. Hippo fight with Tabitha for old time's sake; she's up there too. In fact you might meet a lot of puffs who remember us from different ...

Strut Your Mutt is this weekend.      I could tell you about how necessary these donations are especially for the group I rescue with ( Utah Animal Advocacy Foundation ) who specializes in "difficult" adoption cases. I could give you statistics on how many animals are neglected and unloved. Instead I want to tell you two stories.  This is Tezoatlan (Tezzie, Mandis, Bug, Old Man Friend). This is what he looked like when Seth and I adopted him during my senior year of college. He was a puppy mill stud dog who never knew beds, toys, or caring people. He was blind and needed major medical treatment for the first few years. Tezzie spent much of the beginning of our relationship having accidents and anxiety whenever we left.  Through lots of persistence and understanding, the puff that used to sit in a corner and want nothing to do with us became a family member. He chomps on his toy tomato, snores in his birthday bed, occasionally cuddles in his old age, and...

The Ranch had its first burial this weekend.  Thankfully it wasn't any of our furry friends but it was still sad. One of the semi-feral cats that's been around since we moved in (and who recently became a mama too) passed away under the Christmas tree in the front yard. Seth, being the stellar man that he is, buried her in our easement because that's where they spent most of their time. We put some markers on the spot, food on the porch for the two babies, and had a discussion about whether cats understood death.  I'd like to think that the connection between family, even in the animal world, is there forever.  I'm definitely one of those nerds who believes in the Rainbow Bridge and those that have loved you being a presence in your life.  I believe because every now and then you see evidence of it. At night we see the kittens lying next to their mama.

When I was little we used to do Fourth of July at Tom Brown Park in Tallahassee. It was quite the event because you got bussed in with your blankets/kids/coolers and once you arrived you were there until the fireworks. I absolutely loved it, but now as a parent, I can only imagine what a production it was for Mama and Chungs.  That's why whenever I get frustrated with the Ranch, I think about the 4th. Our street is super close to Murray Park and on the Fourth of July it makes for an easy celebration. There's a morning parade and fireworks well before the city sponsored show (though the neighborhood ones made us more nervous this year because of the wild fires), lawn chairs, family all over the place, and it takes us 40 minutes just to get up to our house because we're stopping to catch up with everyone. Our street has a perfect view of the city fireworks to end the evening. You don't have to go any further than your yard. It's fantastic.    This year we wer...

In the summer we reclined with good books in the backyard...just the six of us. Three dogs, two almost parents, and one unborn bean. It was in this very setting that I discovered the most exact words on what it meant to be a mother. They were honest. They were simple. They were truth. "We change shape, she continued, we buy low-heeled shoes, we cut our long hair. We begin to carry in our bags half-eaten rusks, a small tractor, a shred of beloved fabric, a plastic doll. We loose muscle tone, sleep, reason, perspective. Our hearts begin to live outside our bodies. They breathe, they eat, they crawl and-look!-they walk, they begin to speak to us. We learn that we must sometimes walk an inch at a time, to stop and examine every stick, every stone, every squashed tin along the way. We get used to not getting where we were going. We learn to darn, perhaps to cook, to patch the knees of dungarees. We get used to living with a love that suffuses us, suffocates us, blinds us, controls us....

So, we had a baby and had so much fun with her, family coming into town, and the holiday season that there wasn't time to blog about it. Now as I type (one handed cause Eileen's in the other) it's difficult to put into words the way becoming parents has changed us. For now I'll just say that if the new year is even half as spectacular as how the last one ended, we'll take it. We welcomed 2012 with a cozy night in the ranch and some of our favorite souls. Happy New Year, friends.

We're experiencing some belated spring showers (and temperature) so it seems like a good excuse to watch it from the windows and update the blog. There have been a lot of changes around the Ranch lately. First, Tabitha and I took to the Super Pet Adoption like champs. Despite snow and terrible weather, we worked our charms on potential adopters. Las t Wednesday we had a play date with one of the couples we' d met there. the hipster glasses are hiding my tears They live a block away from the Trolley/Meth House we almost purchased and have an old friend Pekingese as well. They love antiques, renovated their Victorian, and are who I want to be when I grow up. In short, they were absolutely perfect. Which made adopting her out a little more sweet than bitter. It still broke my heart though. the Peke in her new digs We may be down a furry friend but in February we found out we're going to be + 1 tiny one. We're pregnant! The due date is November 11th but already w...

I promise I will update on Ranch progress, how we ended up with 4 puffs, and what we've been up to since December but for right now all I can deliver is some alphabetical random information about myself. ABCDEnjoy! A. Age: 27 B. Bed size: Queen C. Chore you hate: cleaning the bathroom because no matter how clean it is there’s still sad wallpaper on the ceiling and glue-destroyed tiles on the floor D. Dogs: are my best friends. With 4 of them it’s like I really do have a Puff Ranch. E.Essential start to your day: Sirius XM F. Favorite color: pink in all forms G. Gold or silver: let’s be honest, I love all shiny things H. Height: 5’0 I. Instruments you play: at one point I have played the recorder, the cello, and the guitar (the last one I still attempt to play) J. Job title: 1 st grade teacher aka mom, grandma, nurse, counselor, event coordinator, field trip specialist, BFF, shoe-tying queen, person everyone saves a seat for, etc., etc. K. Kids: ...