Dress Up, Dine In

We lasted two years in Arizona. We walked to school past Saguaro sentinels, escaped to Flagstaff to run in real grass every October, and confused coyotes for dogs (okay maybe that was just me). We drank Dutch Bros all the dang time, reunited with high school friends who are lifelong friends, and watched our kids make up loud songs while bouncing on couches. We swam in our pool in the morning, afternoon, and night under the twinkle lights even when our neighbors' AC went out and sounded like an airplane landing all long weekend. We did date nights a la the Scottsdale lifestyle occasionally thanks to preschool "parents' night out."  There were trips to Stevie Nicks' mama's defunct antique emporium, the LOVE statue on Valentine's Day, lots of trips to Tuscon, and revisiting childhood at the Lisa Frank Factory. There were ones when I would drive out as far as one street would go and find myself next to tipped metal horses under a pre-monsoon sky. ...

Last month we celebrated our first Arizona-versary. One year ago we hugged in the Ranch driveway for the last time and Seth sent us off on a two day adventure that would end at our new home. He and the puffs would follow after the movers had packed everything else up.  I was heartbroken to be leaving the first state we had made ours and terrified that the kids would turn the road trip into a coup. Thankfully the first day was smooth with the help of gas station treats, behavior clips, and letting them "play" loudly and ridiculously in the backseat.  We spent the night just outside of Vegas. There was an unbelievable park to stretch our legs, DQ grilled cheeses, and PJ Masks on the Disney Channel. Our second day was dotted with weird and wonderful roadside finds. We made wishing well wishes to Santa Claus in the (for sale!) town named after him. What once was a roadside attraction from 1937-1995, now there were only crumbling buildings in faded colors. It was every...

The in-between is the worst.  Living in a home that's losing us. Losing the things that make it ours: the community cats, the white and green kitchen walls, the traces of our family tucked into drawers in the name of de-cluttering.  If I don't start distancing myself now I will bleed out onto the wood floor. The one the two of us pulled countless nails from at night after we'd gotten off work. The one that's marked by puffs clattering down hallways. What I walked over (and over and over) to get the kids to sleep when they were small. I'm hemorrhaging memories.  Eventually this will be an adventure. That Arizona house that's getting a new roof will be our new home (complete with a basement to cry in, of all things!) and I'll put on a brave face for the kids. Eventually I may even love it. But right now there's just this limbo. It's crushing me. :: listening to "june on the west coast" by bright eyes::

Utah~ We were babies when we met you. Newly married, freezing in 50 degrees, adventurous babies.  Now we're parents, well acclimated, sad to be possibly saying goodbye grown people.  There's no way to measure my adoration for your hikes or what we discovered along them. I'll never be able to relate the perfection that is picnic-ing and playing in any one of your parks. Small town parades and big fireworks will never be done better. I love the people who made us family and friends here. And Fall, well, Fall is just bliss. So I thank you for bringing me these people and places so I would stop crying in bungalow basements out of homesickness. You showed me how beautiful it could be to begin again. I'm channeling the 10th Doctor over here with an "I don't want to go!" I can't imagine Arizona ever being for me what you have been. But maybe when I'm crying in some non-basement Arizona will speak to me as you did and I will let it bec...

I was afraid to leave 2015 behind and enter a new year that would never know two of our puff friends. Snowball, When you first came into my classroom with your funky flat top 'do I had no idea what a companion you would be. You greeted countless 1st graders, kept me company on late nights and planning days, and could always be counted on to stand in as a groundhog on its special day. I will miss you popcorning around your cage and playing hide-and-seek. I will hear your weeking noise in hopes of carrots every time I open the fridge. I still have to stop myself from cutting sweet peppers for you. Thank you for your company as I was navigating a new place. I hope you have learned to love your new one though it is so very far from us. We can't wait to see you again. Maximus, It wasn't lost on me that when you put your head in my lap it was exactly a year and a day after we met you. I didn't know that was your coherent goodbye at the time.  I wasn...

Last November, in the middle of the dinosaur play area at the mall, Seth and I decided to foster our third dog. Well, it was my idea as always but Seth's a good sport.  Maximus was a thirteen year old Lhasa mix whose owner had passed away and surviving family couldn't keep him. He was an old man and the Uintah Animal Shelter knew he'd do better if he was out. We saw him in a Facebook post. We met him in the parking lot of a vet clinic at a transport rendezvous.  It's so hard to guess what adjustment will be like for dogs who are getting to know your family, or us with them, for that matter. Most of our getting-to-know-you period was peppered with vet visits to remedy allergies and lots of food and med trials.  The rescue group we foster with, Utah Animal Advocacy Foundation , is phenomenal at making sure their fosters don't stress the vet responsibilities so we can focus on making our animals feel at home.  Since Max had been someone's before he seemed to f...

I've tried to summarize last November's trip to the home-state but all I get are false starts and interrupted sentences. I can't seem to translate the vibes that bounced around castles, beaches, Spanish moss, outstretched arms, family we saw and narrowly missed seeing. I'll never be able to say what these pictures do or describe all the moments that went on out of focus. So here (some of) it is:   ::listening to "i forget where we were" by ben howard::

When Eileen turned one I remember it being bittersweet. It hurt my heart in a fresh place that she wasn't a baby anymore. We celebrated her in St. Augustine where our family officially began when Seth & I got married. It was perfection but I was sad. It was as if when that day ended, a part of us did too.  At the time, all the fun (and, let's be honest, some not so fun) d evelopments were still a mystery. I didn't know turning one meant she was on her way to singing songs, "reading" herself stories at night, or having real conversations.  Those things and so much more were on the other side of birthdays and so when it was time for Man Friend to enjoy his first birthday last week, I was a lot less sad.  We celebrated him at Wheeler Farm for Pumpkin Days (where we had been the day before he was born). We  basked in his snorting, toothless gummy grins, chubby hands, and wild curls.  Even though it was sad to blow the candles out on his baby stage, I cou...

Leave it to me to write my first post of the new year six months into it. It's impossible to recount all the adventures we've had or the wonderfully mundane events that have passed. So, instead I'll just say (because I'm feeling sappy)... 2014 has been about arrivals and departures.  The Ranch has been alive with the dearest kind of visitors from the home state. They have Sundanced, farmed, egg hunted, and filled the space between these walls with laughter. They've come to life, hopped right out of their pictures and become real to our kids. It's been amazing.  And then there was February. We said goodbye (sometimes in spirit, sometimes in person, always in heart) to Mama Zoy, Seth's Grandma, and our raspberry neighbor Charlotte. It is an isolating experience to lose someone and be so physically distant. We tend both sides of the raspberry patch and visit Charlotte's grave because we can. But when we do it's like we're doing it for our gr...

30 x 30: #30 Have Another Baby When I made my list of things I wanted to do by the time I hit 30 years old (refresh your memory -here- ) having another baby was one of those parts that seemed a little less in my control than others. Yet, here we are almost a month 'til that milestone and I'm getting to tell the story of Ezra. Early, early morning on Monday, October 7th I woke Seth up and told him he might need to be ready to take the day off. Then there was a whirlwind of timing contractions, getting sick, insisting on taking a shower, waking Eileen up, and running through the sprinklers in the yard. But we were pros at this. It was our second baby and Seth and Bean were just going to get me settled at the hospital and come back when it was closer to delivery and a decent hour that neighbors could watch her.  At 3 a.m. before we even got on the interstate my water broke. At 6th South I was pretty sure he was going to be born in the car. By the time we made it to LDS Ho...

For better or worse, when you're expecting your second child there is a small feeling of comfort. I've got prior mama knowledge and all the gadgets that help make motherhood more manageable.  Nesting the second time around means pulling out the Ergo carrier and Petunia Pickle Bottom backpack. There were so many baby accessories I didn't know I needed until Eileen arrived and they're all making another appearance for Ezra.  That's why it was amusing to take Eileen (now 22 months) to our second Steals.com Warehouse Sale. There was a time when I hit up that website for all things baby. If you're not familiar with it, it's a daily deals website for babies, kids, ladies, and scrapbookers offering products at ridiculous discounts. They're local and incredibly helpful too which makes them incredibly dangerous for me (in a most wonderful way). Today we efficiently navigated our way into line in cold rain (it is Utah) to score some concise deals on outlet p...

It's taken us five years but Utah is starting to feel like home more often than not. (Florida, you're still my first love.) We're also on the verge of fall, which is absolutely gorgeous here. Even so, one thing Utah doesn't have is our extended family. That's why I'm incredibly grateful that planes have been boarded both ways since we made our big move. Family is extra wine bottles in the fridge. It's picking up where you left off. Family is a full house. It's letting the candle burn down to the table because there are still things to talk about. Family is watching the youngest in ours discover what wonderful people she is related to. It's crying in the driveway when they leave. Family is quite simply this: ::listening to "come thou fount of every blessing" by sufjan stevens::

This is the first year I haven't had a back-to-school in somewhere around 24 years. I have been lucky enough to enjoy school supply shopping, the joy of fresh crayons, and agonize over first day outfits for far longer than I should have. True, the first day has taken on many forms...waiting for buses with labeled  backpacks, carpooling with friends, rounds of sorority recruitment, and remembering class lists and which fantastic small children I've already met at BTS night... Each of them were exhilarating in their own way. This year I've voluntarily given up that back-to-school experience and while it doesn't have to be permanent, it doesn't make it any less bittersweet. I'm so very grateful that I can try this stay-at-home-mama thing that I've been missing out on. It's been phenomenal to see all the little things Eileen does in a day. I feel like I've gotten to know her all over again. Y et that doesn't mean that every time someone tel...

When I was Eileen's age I was already well obsessed with "My Little Ponies." At least that's what my baby book said. Despite Seth and I's best efforts to show Bean the wonder of Don Bluth classics, she just hasn't been a "watching things" kind of girl.  That is until a couple of weeks ago when Seth introduced her to Sofia the First while I was sneaking in a mid-afternoon pass-out session. She sat through the whole made-for-Disney-Channel movie and has since watched all 15 Disney Junior episodes.  We love it because we get to sneak in the ever illusive cuddle. She'll proclaim "I watch" before being so immersed in Sofia that she forgets she minds you snuggling with her. In fact, she only moves to wave when Sofia does in the opening song (Eileen's got a natural princess wave) or to dance. Otherwise she's yours. Sofia (or "Sopia"/"Pia" as Bean calls her) is everywhere in our house but I can't help ...

It's no secret that when we were house hunting, we preferred to live in Salt Lake City. We were young(er) and looking for a home that had character and was close to a park. Salt Lake was more "us" and it was kind of like admitting defeat when we ended up buying out in Murray. Sure, we heard how cute/central/desirable it was to people who liked that semi-suburban type of living. It was the responsible choice but not the one we wanted.  We've been in the Ranch for three years and it's still very much a "love/hate" relationship. Maybe that's the curse of eternal renovations and the general home-owning process. No matter how I may feel about our home (or where it's located) there is one day that I absolutely adore living here each year....the 4th of July. It's utterly wonderful to roll out of the Ranch and down the street to Murray Park for their morning parade. Bean especially enjoyed waving at everyone and clapping. She even met some dino...

Tezzie overseeing bathroom renovations in August Tezzie, Loss is the drive down State St. to accept that we are now a two dog family. It's not having a puff to wake up from sleep so we can get to work. It's a silent house because no one is squeaking toys. It's a cup of food, instead of a cup and a half, at breakfast and dinner. Loss is an absence of groundhog sits, bugga rolls, and snoring. It is having to wake up each day to missing you. But I have to believe that the Rainbow Bridge has a magnificent view of our home in case you feel like telling Conor and Sake to shut up when they're being too wild. I'm sure you can sleep as long as you want. Or maybe you got your energy back...the kind we would see in short bursts down here. There's probably a box full of squeaky toys that you can hide in for days. Hippo fight with Tabitha for old time's sake; she's up there too. In fact you might meet a lot of puffs who remember us from different ...

Strut Your Mutt is this weekend.      I could tell you about how necessary these donations are especially for the group I rescue with ( Utah Animal Advocacy Foundation ) who specializes in "difficult" adoption cases. I could give you statistics on how many animals are neglected and unloved. Instead I want to tell you two stories.  This is Tezoatlan (Tezzie, Mandis, Bug, Old Man Friend). This is what he looked like when Seth and I adopted him during my senior year of college. He was a puppy mill stud dog who never knew beds, toys, or caring people. He was blind and needed major medical treatment for the first few years. Tezzie spent much of the beginning of our relationship having accidents and anxiety whenever we left.  Through lots of persistence and understanding, the puff that used to sit in a corner and want nothing to do with us became a family member. He chomps on his toy tomato, snores in his birthday bed, occasionally cuddles in his old age, and...

To Eileen~ (the night before I go back to work) I love you.  I loved you when you had an alligator spine,  when you danced if we danced in class,  when we met you.  I loved you when you snuggled,  when you first recognized the puffs,  when you reached for me on purpose.  I loved you when you giggled,  when you made dinosaur noises,  when you were my everywhere buddy.  And I will love you now in one place while you are in another.  That's the beauty of it.  There are no stay-at-home or working mamas.  There are just mamas.  And they can love from anywhere. And I will love you from everywhere.

The Ranch had its first burial this weekend.  Thankfully it wasn't any of our furry friends but it was still sad. One of the semi-feral cats that's been around since we moved in (and who recently became a mama too) passed away under the Christmas tree in the front yard. Seth, being the stellar man that he is, buried her in our easement because that's where they spent most of their time. We put some markers on the spot, food on the porch for the two babies, and had a discussion about whether cats understood death.  I'd like to think that the connection between family, even in the animal world, is there forever.  I'm definitely one of those nerds who believes in the Rainbow Bridge and those that have loved you being a presence in your life.  I believe because every now and then you see evidence of it. At night we see the kittens lying next to their mama.

I'm not sure what most disturbs me about the picture you're about to see: the fact that this is only half of the ones that we trapped in a single night or that this pad was in the most trafficked part of the basement (our laundry room/puff playroom/only bathroom left standing). I know renovations are supposed to stir up ghosts but apparently the Ranch has more spiders than spirits.  (If you're like me and only enjoy spiders at Halloween and in jewelry form, don't even bother looking at what comes next.) (Oh, and pay no attention to the dingy baseboards or floral wallpaper. Wallpaper is scarier than our eight-legged basement friends.) (See...I'm giving you time to back out of looking at this picture...) Gah! Obviously, whether these are examples of Utah's poisonous (and ridiculously named) Hobo spider or not, they cannot continue sharing the Ranch with us. Even though I know they're here because they're eating other insects, love ba...